Friday, November 17, 2006

You're on fire but the phone rings. What do you do?

Telephone usage is the biggest proof that people are stupid.

In my life I've worked in a call center or two, and I was constantly amazed at the stupidity that so called intelligent people exhibit. Putting feelings about telemarketing aside, when I would call people I was often incredulous that people would answer the phone in certain situations.

First off, there is the classic "I'm eating dinner" excuse. I myself am annoyed when people call while I'm eating. But I came up with a simple solution. I don't answer the phone.

I've called people who were having sex. If you're answering the phone at this moment, maybe you should be doing something more exciting, like knitting. The solution, let it ring.

I've called people who say they are sick and on the verge of throwing up. If you're nauseous, I can guarantee it isn't Ed McMahon with a big check nor Oprah giving you a new car. Feel free to bow before the porcelain throne and get plenty of rest.

I admit that some of the the above are probably lies, but one situation I don't understand, and heard too often to think was fake.

When I would call people, and after a minute of talking, I would hear children in the tub in the background. I would start to wonder where the person I was talking to had been while we were speaking. I couldn't hear the children at first, so I'm guessing they went to another room to answer the phone.

Roughly 100 people a day die from drowning in bathtubs, mostly children and the elderly. That's more people than die from gunshots. Trust me, there is no phone call on Earth important enough for you to risk your children's lives.

But if you still feel anxious when the phone rings that it might be a call from Brad Pitt saying he's leaving Angelina for you, or vice versa. I have a solution. Technology. They have these little boxes called answering machines that will take the call for you when you can't.

If that's too fancy, they have a service called Caller ID that will tell you who is calling and keep a list of who called for future reference. And here's the secret, you only have to call back the people you know!

And if no one told you, it's your phone. You are not required to answer it just because someone got a bee in their bonnet to call you. And just in case it is a real emergency, have you ever known anyone to not call back?

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