Monday, October 30, 2006

Creepers are Weiners

(This entry may offend some. If you're the sensative type, skip this entry. If you read it anyway, no whining.)

When you're driving and stopping at a stop light there are always creepers. Those people who stop 20 feet away from the line or the person in front of them and then as the light continues to be red they slowly creep forward and stop. Then creep some more and stop.

This absolutely drives me nuts. So, to amuse myself when a creeper is near I have come up with a multipart theory.

A. Creepers were never taught how to stop at the desired location.

B. Creepers are too stupid to learn this skill.

C. Creepers think that by creeping forward the light will actually take less time therefore defying all logic.


D. Creepers are weiners. (No, I do not mean the ones weinerschniztle sells.)

I am hopeful that most creepers fall under category A, but I have my doubts about this since they see people who don't creep around them, and if they had a desire to learn they would do so.

B, in a fit of frustration I might think that this is true, but I have hope that people aren't really this dumb.

C, for creepers in this class, all I have to say is: Creeping has never, and will never make the light go faster. Just because you're creeping at the time the light changes does not mean the light changed because of you. It is simply the law of averages. If you scratched your butt at the light, eventually the light will change, but not because you scratched your butt.

D, Creepers are weiners who creep and look in their rear view mirror because they have a juvenile sense of humor (a.k.a. brain damage from sniffing glue) and think it is funny to watch people behind them also creep forward.

I say boycott creeping. If you are behind a creeper, you have my sympathy, but I do suggest a solution. Just don't do it. There is no law that says because the person in front of you creeps, that you have to follow.

And that grand canyon sized gap growing between your car and theirs, is usually less than 20 feet. When you press the gas pedal it will take only one second to cover that distance. Don't become a victim of a creeper.

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