Here be Monsters!

Captain Itchybeard, here!

In honors of them peoples in Washington celebrating my piratical heritage by privateering booty out of a bunch of landlubbers pockets, (it be the pirate way!) I've decided to scribe my comments in piratese. (where available)

Ahoy! Me says to my fellow cut throats and bilge rats! Tis be a fine day to be standing in the crowsnest spying for a fat merchantman out of Nasau. But alls I sees is miles of the most godforsaken ocean that has ever been godforsaken.

As I stand scratching me nether regions, a plan begins a formulating in the back of me brainpan. Kills the crew and sells them all for long-pig barbeque. (I spells it with a q, cause that's hows I likes it) But then I be needing another crew to sails me ship, and that thought floats away with the trade winds. (Even though I could almost taste the q)

Then I be contemplating shivering the timbers of a fine wench back at Port Royal, and the rumbullion burning down me gullet. But even the thoughts of women be taboo at sea, so I switches me subject to having the men fight for scraps from the captain's table, when I sees white sails marring the curve of the Earth.

"We gots one!" I shouts "Ye dogs, we gots one!"