Emeril Needs To Lay Off The Ritalin

I was flipping through channels and somehow ended up on the Food Network watching Emeril. I don't have a sleep disorder but if I did I would expect my doctor to prescribe watching Emeril and calling back in the morning.

Seriously how does this guy stay on the air? He frustrates me to the point where I want to crawl through the TV and shake him to wake up. Was he not calm enough? Did some producer get an illegal prescription for Ritalin, convincing Emeril to take it by saying "look, we think you're not slow enough. This will help."?

It also turned out to be Emeril Live. The idea of a cooking show with a live band and studio audience doesn't sit right. And the audience was really freaking me out, these people look way too happy.

Here's an example:

"So uh... we have... the butter... in... the pan." Emeril says then pauses longer for some reason, "And... the butter... is... melting."

"Whoooooo!" And at this point the crowd goes crazy.

Now melting butter isn't anything that makes me excited but for some people it seems like something just short of a miracle.

I guess the next time I'm trying to get people to come to my art show, I'll add a line that says I'll also be doing a demonstration involving melting butter, live!